I have been told, at various parties and gatherings, that I should write a book about my many temping adventures. It is true that I have some good temping stories but I don't think I have enough to fill an entire book.
But a blog? Absolutely!
To start with I'll tell of the most bizarre place I ever had the pleasure of working. My "assignment manager" at the temp agency told me it would be a receptionist position at a golf cart part distributor. I couldn't stop the words "golf cart part golf cart part golf cart part" going through my head but, despite the unwanted mantra, I somehow managed to hear the rest of the details.
Many phone lines. Two companies. High call intake.
Not a problem.
I show up for my first day and, instead of putting me straight to work, they put me through a barrage of tests. Personality tests, aptitude tests, IQ tests...you name it and they gave it. It took the entire day and, at the end of the day, they told me that I would be "analyzed" the next day.
With visions of a cubicle palm-reading session dancing in my head, I somewhat reluctantly came back the next morning. But instead of some mystical woman smelling of patchouli I got a balding man with a beer gut, briefcase and charts.
Oh the charts! Charts that outlined everything from my skills to my temperament (both at home and the office) to my hopes and dreams. According to this guy, every nook and cranny of my inner self was right there in front of me on some 30-odd colorful sheets of paper with lines, boxes and pies.
I sat there for about an hour or so while this guy tried to convince me that yes, I am a math genius in spite of the fact that I hate math and need all four appendages and a calculator if I'm expected to do it.
The tests also said that I am a confrontational person and that I don't like to work with others. The highlight of all of this was the Mother of All Charts which laid out my working style and personality. This chart, along with a brief explanation, would be posted outside my cubicle so that people would know what they were getting into before they entered.
It was then that I noticed all the lovely colorful charts adorning cubicle walls.
"But I'm not a math genius. And I'm not confrontational...." I said, realizing that by saying this I was confirming that last bit instead of refuting it.
It turns out it didn't matter what I said...it only mattered what the charts said.
So, in addition to answering the 20+ phone lines they made me calculate the shipping on all of the outgoing invoices. Then I had to add the shipping to the total...without a calculator! They actually told me I could not use one because they thought it would distract me. (I guess my personality chart said I was easily distracted.)
And no one would talk to me because my chart said I didn't like people! It was miserable and, after 3 weeks, I told my temp agency I couldn't do it anymore.
The funny thing was, about 4 months later, that company needed a temp and they requested me. I guess they really wanted an anti-social math genius who, despite that genius, cannot add.
Needless to say, I turned them down.
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