Take Back Moments

Have you ever had a moment, or perhaps an entire day, that you wish you could take back? And for some unknown reason, this moment continues to pop into your head on occasion to nag and niggle at your brain so that you are forced to relive it over and over again? And from all different angles?

I have several such moments in my life but today I had two of them pop into my head. I have therefore been thinking of them all day and thought I'd share them with you.

So, "Take Back Moment Number One"

Adam and I had been "dating" (if you want to call it that) for about a year. I had been to his home in upstate New York and he had been to mine in Arkansas. We had met each other's parents and high school friends. Life was grand.

It was summertime and I was on my way to visit Adam and to go with his family to Canada. At this point, I don't think I had met his brother or sister yet. I was a little nervous about meeting them because, having an older sister of my own, I know how important a sibling's opinion is. The good thing was that I was going to meet them one at a time. Chris, the brother, first. Erin, the sister, a few days later.

I wasn't so nervous that I wouldn't be able to speak. I was just nervous enough so that I'd be on my guard and wouldn't say or do anything really stupid.

Or so I thought.

It is dinnertime. We are sitting around the table enjoying a lovely meal. The day had gone well enough. I hadn't locked anyone in the basement or killed the neighbors cat or anything. And, at this point, I felt comfortable around Adam's brother. There was nothing to be worried about.

As I remember it, this is how the conversation went:

Adam's Dad: The florist convention is in Las Vegas this year.
Someone else: Ooh, are you going to go?
Adam's Dad: I don't think so. I usually stick out since I'm the only man there who isn't gay.
Adam's Brother: You could take Erin. I think she'd enjoy Vegas. She seems like she might be a little wild.

This is when I should laugh and say something like, "I'll go as long as there is an open bar." Something witty and non-committal. But what do I do?

I say nothing. In my mental reenactments, everyone is looking at me expectantly while I stare at my plate and gorge myself on grilled zucchini. I don't know if that is exactly how it went down (because I was literally staring at my plate and gorging myself on grilled zucchini) but that's how it replays itself in my head.

So why didn't I say anything?

Because, I thought he was talking about his sister. Also named Erin. Which makes no sense whatsoever because that Erin wasn't even there and this Erin was.

After that, the conversation switched to something else entirely. It wasn't until later that I realized what I had done (or not done) and I desperately wanted to say, "Oh, you were joking about me going to Vegas and maybe being a little wild. I thought you were joking about the other Erin. I'll go as long as there is an open bar...."

But at that point we were so beyond the Vegas topic of conversation that it would have been weird to bring it up.

So, instead, I bring it up in a blog some 6 years later.

I'm not sure why that moment has haunted me. I certainly have done far worse, and far more embarrassing, things in my life. Like, on that very same visit to Adam's house, I fell down the stairs.

From the very top.

Bouncing down each step on my rear end.

While everyone was standing at the bottom.

Maybe it bothers me because it is out of character for me. I am the girl who falls down the stairs. I'm not the girl who doesn't get a joke.

Okay, so I frequently don't get jokes. But I'm not the girl who doesn't join in.

And Adam's brother is great and certainly isn't the type to hold something like that against someone. He probably doesn't even remember it.

But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I always thought that if Adam and I broke up, Chris would say, "Well, good. She wasn't right for you anyway. She can't even take a joke. Remember that time Dad was talking about the florist convention in Vegas...."

"Take Back Moment" number 2 coming tomorrow....