Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

As part of our pre-wedding counseling experience, Adam and I have to put together a budget and draw up our Wills. The budget part is pretty easy...we've already got one.

1. Get your paycheck
2. Pay: rent, utilities, school loans, car loan, credit cards
3. Buy: groceries, toilet paper, cat litter, shampoo/conditioner, q-tips, etc
4. Put aside some for savings
5. Spend the rest (if there is any left....)

Excellent. Great. Mark that off our list to-do.

The Will on the other hand is a little tricky and more involved. Not to mention dismal. Have we done it yet? Hell no. We've got 5 months still....why do today what you can put off and do tomorrow?

Instead we spent this weekend pondering death from a nice, safe distance. First, we went to see 28 Weeks Later. Talk about dismal. This sequel picks up 7 months after the end of the first movie, 28 Days Later. So, technically, this should be be 32 Weeks Later. I guess it doesn't have the same ring to it. Will the next one be called "28 Months Later?"

The movie, unlike its prequel, was just plain gory with little-to-no suspense. The worst part was when one of the main characters kisses his wife (who is a carrier of the bad zombie virus thing), turns into a manic zombie and then proceeds to eat her neck and gouge out her eyes. He then goes on a search for his kids because he wants to eat them too.

After the movie, Adam and I were talking about how it seems that when you become a zombie you want to destroy (as in, eat) those people you loved most in your pre-zombie life. Adam said I'd be #1 on his list of people to eat if he ever became a zombie. I said that, if he became a zombie, I wouldn't hesitate to kill him.

Aaahh, love.

So that was Friday night. Saturday was a rainy, dreary day here in Portland. What can you do on a day like that?

1. Read a book
2. Clean the house
3. Write in your blog
4. Go look at dead bodies.

Since Body World 3 is in town, we opted for #4.

Since everyone and their dead brother had the same idea, we had to wait in line to buy our tickets. While we were waiting, we were talking about whether or not we would donate our bodies to something like this. At first I thought no but then I realized it'd be better than being in a coffin. You get to travel, you get to educate and, if you are lucky, you get to be posed in a semi-sexual pose for all eternity. Also, if your loved ones want to see you, they have only to pay an admission of $21!

Excellent. Great. Sign me up.

The exhibit itself was pretty interesting. I only wish they could have provided more information about the "specimens." How old were they when they died, how did they die, where had they lived?

One fact about their lives, their gender, was glaringly obvious. Needless to say, most of the donors were men. They were there in all of their naked glory for all the world (or at least all of bored, rainy day Portlanders) to see. What was shocking to me was not the goods in front but the thing in back. Without being crude, I'll just say that I had no idea the butthole was so....big and...muscular-looking.

Anyway, some of the comments I overheard:

1. Look at how fat the spinal column is. I had no idea!
2. If that is what I look like when I run, I'm going to stop running.
3. What's this one called? "Woman at the gynecologist?"
4. Person 1: Is that the stomach? Person 2: I think its a lung...

The most interesting part was looking at the problematic body parts. The smoke-blackened lung, the tumor in the liver (I think) that had grown so big it pushed into the heart and spinal column, the tumor in a woman's breast and the arthritic hip. I guess Body Worlds is like Nascar...it is most interesting when something goes wrong.

By the end of the exhibit, I had decided I did not want to donate my body to Body Worlds. I can't even strip in front of a little old lady at a wedding gown store. I can't imagine stripping off my skin, some of my muscle and, in some cases, everything but my nerves and veins.

But I guess, in the end, we unknowingly drew up our Wills:

1. I want Adam to kill me if I become a zombie (and vice versa)
2. If he doesn't kill me, I will eat him first (and vice versa)
3. I don't want to donate my body to Body Worlds
4. If I die in my 28th year, and a movie is made about me, I want it to be called "28 Years Later." If for no other reason than to head off a 4th 28 Days Later movie.

Excellent. Great. Mark that off my list to-do.

(Oh, and my title today is a quote from Groucho Marx.)