The Lives of Numbers

I have begun to (seriously) study for the GRE which I plan to take sometime in September (or October. November. Maybe December.) This process has brought to light an ongoing conflict within myself. My conflict with numbers.

When I was young, I created lives and personalities for numbers. Although, I shouldn't really say I created them. It was more like I just knew them....like I would know my own life or the lives of my friends and family.

At the time, I did not realize that I was the only who knew the personalities and lives of numbers. I remember being shocked, when first learning addition, when my teacher asked me what 4 plus 5 was.

My reply was that 4 and 5 would never be together because '5 hates 4.' Didn't she know that?

Needless to say, this particular quirk of mine did not help in the math department. I simply could not wrap my head around the fact that 4 and 5 could, and frequently did, go together.

But my numbers-stories went far beyond that. Here is a simplified breakdown:

1 is male. A young boy who is very kind-hearted but easily taken advantage of.

2 is female. She is either the sister or best friend of 1. She looks after, and takes care, of him. She tries to protect him from 3. She is strong but gentle.

3 is male. He is a bully and frequently picks on 1 and 2 but he really wants to be their friend.

4 is male. He is quite a few years older than 1 and 2 but he is the same age as 3. He has a crush on 2 and will therefore do everything to protect her and her best friend/brother 1. 4 is fun-loving and popular.

5 is male. As previously stated, 5 hates 4. He is the same age as 4 but, where 4 is popular, 5 is not. He is not a bully...he just isn't pleasant to be around. 5 secretly respects 2 but she does not return the sentiment.

6 is female and the older sister of 5. She is kind-hearted like 1 so she pities 5 and tries to help him. 6 is a friend to the underdog and is always trying to help others.

7 is male and is 6's best friend. He doesn't trust 5 and tries to protect 6. 7 is very serious. 7 has a lot of money.

8 is female. She is frequently alone but she is not lonely. She has a great sense of humor and enjoys life. 8 is impulsive and somewhat of a tomboy.

9 is very female. She is quiet and demure. She loves 7 but can never bring herself to speak with him. She is 8's older sister/best friend and wishes she had 8's sense of humor and ease of self. 9 is beautiful and completely unaware of it.

10 is male. He is very powerful and wealthy. He is much older than 9 but wants to someday marry her. He is annoyed by 8 but tolerates her because she is 9's sister/best friend. 10 barely knows 1, 2, 3, and 4. He only concerns himself with 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. 10 is the older brother to 5 and 6.

When I was little I loved to think about the lives of numbers. They all had their basic personalities but their stories would advance the more I got to know them. At some point in Kindergarten, 10 married 9. 10 was extremely happy but 9 was not (because she was in love with 7, of course.)

Growing up, my favorite numbers were 6 and 8 because I wanted to be kind, funny, outgoing, and fun-loving. I also secretly wanted to be like 9 because she was ultra-feminine, graceful and sweet. I always associated my sister with number 9. 9 is not clumsy and would never say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

My 'lucky numbers' have always been either 6 or 16. I love the number 16 because it means that 6 is looking out for 1....as she is meant to do.

Before you start to think I'm truly crazy, I should tell you that I recently learned that this is an actual condition called Ordinal-linguistic personification (or OLP, for short) and is a form of synesthesia. Synesthesia is when a person 'crosses' senses.

A letter is a color.

A word is a taste.

A number is music.

Apparently, a lot of 'synesthesists' can use this to their advantage. It has been said that many writers might have it, to varying degrees. Most of my favorite books are ones in which the author can completely paint a picture with words. Maybe that's because words aren't just words to them. They are literally (no pun intended) sounds. Or colors. Or tastes.

Some people with OLP are math geniuses. For me, it didn't quite work that way. I wasn't able to turn my OLP into anything useful.

I have long since accepted the fact that sometimes 4 and 5 would be added together. And that 7 could be taken from 9 (heartbreaking though it is). But those early years of arithmetic are the foundation for all the math to follow and, unfortunately, my foundation was hesitantly and reluctantly patched together. And, in the end, I never quite believed it all.

And sometimes, it just seemed...wrong. And I can't turn it off...even though I know it is silly.

So every time I'm adding a tip, or calculating the price of a bag of apples at the grocery store, or studying for the GRE, all those stories and personalities and lives of numbers are in my head.

And they get in the way.

Either that, or I've come up with a very elaborate story to explain why I'm so awful at math.