Take Back Moment #2

As I promised yesterday, here is my second "Take Back" Moment. Although, to be fair, it really isn't a moment. More like an entire weekend. An interview weekend.

Oh yes, there are many aspects of this interview weekend that I wish I could go back and change. Mostly, I just wish I could take back the entire weekend and do something better with it.

Like rearrange my shoes.

Or clean out my kitchen drain.

Or give my cat a bath.

But instead I lugged myself to Boston for the interview extravaganza of a lifetime. I was living in upstate New York at the time and working at a non-profit. I was so desperate to get away from this non-profit job that I applied for a somewhat prestigious job with a national group.

Well, prestigious in the environmental movement. I won't name names but lets just say it rhymes with Creen Gorps. It was their 2 year fellowship-type program. Many apply, few will be accepted, that sort of thing.

I had very small hopes.

So, after the application (and a phone interview, and a second phone interview) I was invited to come to the interview weekend.

When I arrived, the first thing I noticed was that everyone was either still in, or fresh out of, college. Granted, I was only a year out of college at the time but I felt very worldly and smug about my yearlong non-profit experience.

We had introductions, name games, blah blah. Then we go out for a "casual" dinner as a group. Of course, nothing is casual about this weekend. Everything is strategically planned for the Interviewers to ask questions of the Interviewees. We eat at a Chinese restaurant and every table of 10 or so interviewees has 1-2 interviewers in their midst.

During dinner (why is it my embarrassing moments seem to happen over dinner?), Interviewer A asks us all what kind of experience we have in the environmental movement. We go around the table and most of the responses go along the lines of:

I (wrote a letter/telephoned) my (governor/representative/senator) about (a toxic spill/endangered dolphins/global warming) once.

After each response, the interviewers would nod and the interviewee would look proud. Then it came to the girl next to me who said:

"I volunteer at a daycare and read books to the kids."

Interviewer A nods and looks at me expectantly. But I'm confused. A daycare? Is it a "green" daycare? Do they use cloth diapers or something? Does she read Silent Spring to the kids?

I don't get it. But instead of simply adding my contribution to the environmental movement, I say,

"Oh, how is the daycare sustainable?"

Because I'm assuming that it is. Otherwise, why would she mention it? Girl-Next-To-Me says,

"Oh, isn't. But it is what I do."

Interviewers A and B send me looks saying to forget it and go on. But I'm now I'm worried because I think this poor girl misunderstood the question. I say,

"I think they want to know what you are doing in the environmental movement."

Girl-Next-To-Me looks stricken and that is when I realize that she hasn't done anything in the environmental movement. She was grasping at straws and I now look like a super-enviro-bitch. I try to smooth it over but it doesn't work and the whole table has fixed me with their hate-filled eyes. So, I burble on about whatever contribution I'd made to the environmental movement. When I'm finished, Interviewer A asks me:

"Was it easy at your school to get people involved, or was it hard?"

To which I reply, with a knowing roll of the eyes,

"At times, it was like pulling teeth...."

I hate cliches but, overall, it is okay. Until I add,

"....from a baby."

Interviewer B says "Funny, I didn't realize babies had teeth."
Interviewer A says "That's why it is hard to pull them."

I sit there with what I'm sure was a vapid gaze and vacant smile on my face. I simply didn't realize what I had said and I didn't understand why whatever I said was so funny.

Of course, by the time dessert came around, it had hit me. Yet again, I wanted to go back and fix it. But what could I say?

"The phrase 'its like pulling teeth' always confused me because it seems like pulling teeth isn't really that hard. Just give them a good yank and they're out! And 'taking candy from a baby' always seemed like it would be hard. The baby would certainly wail. The mom would probably start hitting you over the head with her purse or something because you were harassing her child. Strangers would tackle you to the ground while you tried to get away. So, I simply combine the two phrases in order to convey the difficulty of a situation...."

I had to let sleeping dogs lie (because you can't make them drink, you know) and move on.

The next day, they actually dismiss those people whom they are no longer considering for the positions. By some miracle, I remain despite my super-enviro-bitchy yet amazingly ignorant performance of the night before. I vow to make it up in the day ahead.

I go through almost an entire day without incident. I get call-backs for further interviews. By the end of the day, I've talked about myself so much that even I am starting to hate me.

It is my final interview of the day. I'm already dreaming about the big cushy bed, the cable tv and the vending-machine dinner awaiting me at my hotel.

I get through the interview with no problems. Not only do I not mess up but the guy seems to genuinely like me! As I'm getting up to go, he asks,

"What is your favorite CD?"

I stare at him. I'm completely blank. Favorite CD? I have no idea. I could have said any number of lies. For instance:

1. The last Dave Matthews Band CD (I'm sure he gets that a lot with this crowd)
2. I believe CD's are merely a symbol of our throw-away society so I don't buy them. I only buy used vintage records. (Haha...take that!)
3. I'm deaf.

Instead, I say "I don't know." To which he says, "Oh come on, just name something. Anything."

ToriAmosAniDCountingCrowsTheBeatlesLedZepplinJanisJoplinSmashing
PumpkinsBillieHollidayJudyGarlandBarryManilowTheCranberries
AndrewLloydWeberBoneThugsInHarmonyANYTHING

But I've got nothing. So the rest of the conversation goes like this:

Me: "The CD I listened to on the way here."
Him: "Which is..?"
Me: "A mix."
Him (after actually sighing): "What is on it?"
Me: "I don't know. (pause) My brother-in-law made it. (pause) Its mostly an experimental band in Germany" (WHAT?!?!)
Him: "Do you speak German?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Interesting, so your favorite CD features a band you don't know the name of that sings in a language you don't understand."
Me: "Yes."

And that was the end of the interview. Weekend.

And I didn't get the job. But it was probably a good thing because you should never take a job just to get away from another job. You'll end up hating your new job because you acted so rashly and it will be too hard.

Like....pulling-teeth-from-a-baby-hard.