Old Pick Up Line

The thing I love most about my new job is being within walking distance of several parks. On nice days, I walk down to the park, lie in the grass and eat my lunch. Scarfing down a quick lunch at my desk, in my car or while sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the "break room" is a happily distant memory.

Of course, the best part of any park is not the grass. Or the fountains. Or the dog park. It is the people-watching. Since I started spending my lunches at the park, I have been witness to several interesting sights.

Two men walking hand-in-hand down a tree lined path with bathrobes on their bodies and what looked like an avocado mask on their faces.

A toddler systematically pulling out strands of hair from his baby brother's head.

A man with a white tux and Mickey Mouse ears walking his dog. (I've previously seen him playing his saxophone over on Burnside.)

However, nothing can top what I saw today. The grass was a little damp so I opted to sit on a bench with my apple and my book. As I was getting comfortable, an object to the right of me caught my eye.

That object was actually an elderly man in an electric wheelchair moving v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y towards the park. I surreptitiously watched him until he got about even with me, at which point he stopped. I shifted my eyes back to my book and assumed he was drinking out of the water fountain next to him.

Then, out of nowhere, an elderly woman comes charging along with her dog. She is heading right towards me and I start to wonder if she can even see me. When she gets to my bench, she walks right past it and her dog jumps up, licks my apple, and then goes over the top of the bench a la Buster Keaton. The elderly lady doesn't even notice. She stares at the elderly man in the electric wheelchair and yells,

"Bob! Are you okay? Do you need me to call 9-1-1?"

At which point, I turn around and see "Bob" clutching his chest. I immediately feel a spurt of panic and guilt. Panic because I think this guy is about to have a heart attack in front of me and guilt because here I've been reading my book with no idea that there are life and death events in my midst. Luckily, Bob responds:

"No. I'm fine. I just get a little winded coming up that hill."

Which leaves me to wonder how you get winded in an electric wheelchair. Maybe the sheer thrill of it takes your breath away?

"Okay, well I'm going to sit right her on this bench until you feel better. If you need help, just tell me and I'll call 9-1-1."

Elderly lady plops down next to me. Her dog jumps in my lap, licks my apple again and stares at me. His name was Lucky (I saw it on his collar) and he was a black terrier-looking thing. I don't think Elderly Lady even knew I was there. She was practically consuming poor Bob with her gaze.

After a few minutes, Bob carefully maneuvers back to the middle of the sidewalk and continues up the hill. Elderly Lady stands (so does Lucky....which his paw on my nose) and yells:

"Bob! I'm going to watch you go up this hill! If you need help, if you need 9-1-1, just wave your hand!"

"Okay!" Bob says.

With a wave of his hand.

That small wave is all it takes. Elderly Lady takes off at a fast pace behind Bob...with Lucky trailing behind.

I was left sitting on the bench with a partially eaten, fully licked apple wondering what had just occurred. It was clear that Bob wanted to keep his distance from Elderly Lady about as much as she wanted to shorten it. Why was Elderly Lady harassing poor Elderly Bob? Then it occurred to me. She was totally flirting with him!

Is that the progression of flirtation in life? You start out in grade school by hitting the person you like. Then you move to junior high and completely ignore them. Then there's high school where everything they say is so funny and so smart!

And on and on until your twilight years when you promise to call 9-1-1 in case the other person has a heart attack right there in their electric wheelchair.

Well, it gives a person something to look forward to.

I've decided to forgo the gym and walk down the aisle to Spinal Tap's inspired song "Big Bottom" instead.

In spite of that, Adam still seems to like me because he sent me these pictures he took in Canada (which, for the life of me, I can't seem to line up.)

I particularly like the one in which he looks like a glowing troll.

I fell in love today

I woke up this morning knowing I had important things to do. Wedding things. Grad school things. Planning a future and making sure all my ducks are in a row things.

So, what did I do? I woke up. Showered. Ate a quick breakfast and was out the door by 9:30am.

Heading towards the Humane Society shelter. Funny, that wasn't on my important list of things to do. But go there I did. And then I fell completely in love.

Before I continue, I must say that I really want a dog. I've wanted a dog ever since I first moved out on my own after college. At the time, my life was a little up-in-the-air and I didn't think it'd be fair to bring a dog into the picture. Plus, a few years ago, I made a vow that I would not adopt a dog until my dog (our family dog) Nick had passed on.

But Nick is still alive and doing well. Thank god.

But the years since then have clicked by and my desire to have a dog has grown. Granted, I have two cats and they are playful, quirky and fun. I never thought I'd love a cat...but now I love two!

But they aren't dogs. They need "alone" time.

There are many reasons why we don't have a dog now:

1. We can't have them in our apartment.

2. Even if we could have them in our apartment, it is to small to house 2 humans, 2 cats and a dog.

3. Money. Money. Money. It's not the root of all evil but (the lack of) it is the root of 99% of our problems.

4. That up-in-the-air-ness is still there. Maybe once we go to grad school and hopefully have a bit of a larger space than we do now....

Walking into the shelter, I knew all of this. I told myself I was just there to look. It is no different than looking at all the dogs in the dog park near our house. I'm just passing time until the bridal shop opens. And the department store. And the shoe store. And the stationary store. And the library.

But then I turned the corner and saw HIM. Chewy. The love of my life. (Sorry Adam)

It was over for me then and there.

I reached my hand into his little cage and he walked over, ducked under my hand and just sat there. While I was petting his soft little head he just looked at me with his sweet little eyes. Everything about him was little at that moment...despite the fact that he is quite a large dog.

But he just seemed so vulnerable.

So I had to try and play with him. I had to make him smile...and yes, dogs do smile. So I stuck my other hand in the cage and started ruffling his fur while I made growling noises in my throat and saying "Whose a good boy?" Garnering curious looks from passers-by, no doubt.

He went berserk. Clearly, this dog could be both sweet and playful. So I sat there on the floor for a while. We played a bit. We talked a bit. We got to know each other. We gazed into each other's eyes. When it was time to go he gave me a nice, respectable kiss on the cheek.

All in all, it was a great first date.

I definitely want to see him again. But I know I can't.

So, if you find yourself at the Oregon Humane Society someday soon, stop by and say hello to my man Chewy.

And maybe consider taking him home.