So, I took Ellen's advice and went to the websites of the 2 candidates I care about (Clinton and Obama) to see what their stance is on the issue.

Unfortunately, neither candidate has anything about gay rights in the "issue" section of their websites.

But after some Googling, I discovered that both candidates want to repeal the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in the military. Yea!

Both are against hate crimes and workplace discrimination. Yea!

Both are pro-civil unions instead of gay marriage. Booo.

However, there is one BIG difference in their stance on gay marriage.

Obama is against gay marriage because...well, here's just a direct quote he gave to the Chicago Tribune:

"I'm a Christian. And so, although I try not to have my religious beliefs dominate or determine my political views on this issue, I do believe that tradition, and my religious beliefs say that marriage is something sanctified between a man and a woman."

Clinton isn't so much anti-gay marriage as she is pro-civil unions.

She has said that she believes civil unions have a greater likelihood of passing into law and providing equal rights than do gay marriages.

However, she has also said she would not stand in the way of gay marriages, which makes me think she isn't against them morally.

It's interesting that Obama's stance is so conservative. Indeed, as far as gay marriage is concerned, there isn't much difference between him and Mike Huckabee.

Granted, Obama does believe in civil unions and gay rights (which Huckabee, obviously, doesn't) but the underlying feeling is the same.

In both of their minds, God doesn't condone same sex relationships. The Bible doesn't condone same sex relationships.

I wonder in what other areas Obama allows his religious ideas to permeate into his civil actions.

It brings to mind all of his "not-present" votes he gave on abortion issues while in the Illinois Senate...

Debate: Regurgitated

The debate was okay.

It seems like they've talked about the same things over and over and over again.

Obama, of course, talked for 5 minutes (okay, maybe it wasn't quite 5 minutes...but it seemed like it) about "his opposition to the Iraq war."

Whatever that's worth.

I REALLY wish Hillary would call him out on that. I guess she's being advised not to since it would require her to admit to making a mistake.

Heaven forbid a politician admit to making a mistake, let alone actually make one!

Oh and the health care issue. So confusing. The economics of it are so....boring, I must admit. Why can't they just say, "Poof! Everyone gets health care!"

I went right over to FactCheck.org to get everything straight. (LOVE Fact Check!)

Here is their report on it....they make it as straight forward (and non-biased) as possible.

It is thundering and sleeting here in Little Rock and I am ready for the weekend!

Nothing I can say....

Did everyone catch the Total Lunar Eclipse last night?!

Yeah, me neither.

Damn those overcast skies!

The next time we will "see" one is 2010...I'll be 30 with (maybe / hopefully / no way in hell) a kid (or two) and will probably be too exhausted to go outside at that god-forsaken hour...clouds or no.

Big dilemma tonight: watch the debate on CNN.com or watch Lost? Its a toughie but I think we've decided to watch the debate and record Lost for a later viewing.

Happy debate-ing!

Erm.....Twice?!?!

First this:




And now this:




After the first one hit, you'd think he would have said something like, "Oh, and I might have plagiarized other speeches as well."

But he didn't....which, to me, is the most disconcerting part about all of this.

Not so much because he was less-than-honest (let's face it...ALL politicians fudge the truth now and then) but because it shows his naivete / hubris / arrogance.

Because obviously he knew he had done it. He just didn't think the press would pick up on it.

But the press almost always picks up on stupid things like this.

Just ask Bill Clinton.

No politics for today's post. No bitching. No ranting. No raving. No complaining.

So, what to talk about....

I made banana bread yesterday. It was good. I used the Kitchen-Aid stand mixer that I got for my wedding / Christmas. That was also good. I felt like Barefoot Contessa.

(Only, my Kitchen-Aid mixer is orange while Barefoot's is white. Borrring.)

I also made lentil loaf. It was good. I'm trying to get a good base of recipes in my repertoire that I can make on a whim. So far I have:

1. Lentil loaf
2. Spaghetti with "Neatballs" and Red Sauce
3. "Not-Turkey-Roast" with Rosemary Polenta
4. Asparagus, Pepper, Cashew & Pineapple Stir-Fry

Yea! I almost have a work-week's worth of recipes under my belt! Also good.

If I can build it up to 10 recipes/2 work-weeks then I'll be better-than-good. I'll be a regular Donna Reed.

(Incidentally, when I was younger I wanted to name my kids Jeff and Mary. So that I could yell up the stairs, "Jeff, Mary, clean your rooms!" a la Mrs Reed.)

Let's see, what else.

Valentine's Day came early this year when Adam brought me home a bunch of daisies and chocolate on Thursday. Then, we went to our neighborhood's "First Thursday" which is when all the shops/art galleries stay open late. And give away free food. And free wine.

I was all over it.

For the actual V-Day we have reservations at Ciao Baci, a neighborhood restaurant that (allegedly) has good vegetarian fare. Even better, it is literally around the block from our apartment. So we can walk and drink copious amounts of....whatever. Yea!

So, that is my life sans politics, bitching, rantings, ravings, and complaining.

All in all, it's pretty good.

Tornadoes, Politicians and Power Outtages

Rest assured, all is well on the home front.

We were a bit battered yesterday but had nowhere near the harrowing experience that the communities of Atkins, Mountain View and Clinton, Arkansas endured.

This is the first time in a long time that I can remember so many deaths in Arkansas due to a tornado.

Yikes.

Our power went out but we were able to stay at my parents' house since they magically still had power. We have been living in our new apartment for all of 2.5 months and this is the third time we've dealt with a power outtage.

If that doesn't make you want to go off-the-grid, I don't know what will.

Despite the craziness, the polls remained open. And it looks like Clinton did well in the Super Tuesday primaries despite the fact that everyone and their brother in the media kept predicting that Obama would make a sweep.

She even got Massachusetts despite the fact that every Kerry, Kennedy and their brother endorsed Obama.

(For someone who is supposed to be "anti-establishment", Obama certainly has a lot of "establishment" endorsements.)

I received an email from one of my readers who, among other things, accused me of being racist and close-minded in my lack of support for Obama.

Here is my "defense" against stupid allegations:

1. I initially supported Obama. My support was primarily based on his speeches which are, needless to say, rousing.

However, when I went to his website and read his platforms, I realized that they are very similar to Clinton's. In the areas where they differ, I agree more with Clinton.

2. A vote for Clinton does not equal a vote for racism. Just as a vote for Obama does not equal a vote for sexism. They are simply people running for office. Their race and/or gender does not enter in it for me.

(I would suggest that those who assume so are the true "racists" or "sexists.")

3. I get pissy whenever I hear Obama say that he didn't "vote for the war in Iraq." No shit. He didn't have a vote. He wasn't in the Senate.

I am, and have always been, very anti-Iraq-war. I have been verbally attacked because of my stance on the war which makes me sensitive to anyone being similarly attacked...even if it is for a stance that is opposite my own.

That was the past. I'm so sick of talking about the past....get over it already. We went to war. It was a HUGE mistake. Period.

But, since we can't change the past, what are we going to do now? I think Clinton's Iraq-withdrawal plan is far more detailed than Obama's.

4. I don't think Obama knows the first thing about being President. As I said before, his speeches are rousing but where is the substance? What has he actually done? What will he actually do?

I think he needs to be VP for 4-8 years first. Then, I'll vote for him for President. No problem.

5. Neither Clinton nor Obama satisfy my environmental prerequisites for a candidate. But then, I'm used to that. It always seems to be "cross your fingers and hope for the best" whenever the environment and politics mix.

6. Obama keeps saying that Clinton will rouse the Republican base. He says she is a divider. She'll make people angry.

I say, too bad. Now is not the time to worry about stepping on people's toes. Sometimes, there is a right and a wrong. Sometimes, you are going to make enemies. And, sometimes, it is worth it.

And, honestly, if the Democrats can't handle a bunch of angry Republicans then they have no business being in power.

Those are my reasons. I've made up mind. I've voted. Call me a racist if you must but I hope that, at the end of the day, you VOTE!

So, who watched the Super Bowl last night?


After last week's decidedly estrogen-centric post, I'm adding a little (very little) testosterone to the mix this Monday.

I watched most of the game and I was thrilled the Giants won. I wanted them to win for the following reasons:

1. I always root for the underdog (unless they are playing the Razorbacks)
2. I think Tom Brady is a cad
3. I think Eli Manning is not-a-cad
4. I like the Giants' mascot better

So much for testosterone!

Those are quite possibly the four girliest reasons I've seen for rooting for a particular sports team. But they are mine and I won't take them back.

Before the game, I told myself that if my unlikely Super Bowl pick did not win it would mean that my Super Tuesday pick would win.

My fear now is that the inverse will be true.

Know your Aunt Flo

Attention Men. Do not read this particular post. It has information for women and will (probably) gross you out.


I have never been able to keep track of my menstrual cycle. Whenever I go to the doctor, and they ask the inevitable 'when was your last period,' I have to give a ball-park figure. If it weren't for PMS, I would be utterly surprised when my period actually started.

I've always been somewhat in awe of women who know, practically to the hour, when their last period started and when their next period is expected. For a brief while, I tried putting stars on the Big Day on my calendar.

Then I realized that I don't actually look at my calendar that often. So it didn't really work.

I am happy to say that those days are long gone.

Today, in my spare time, I found this marvelous website.

You enter the first date of your last 2 periods (lucky for me those days were Christmas Day and last Tuesday...thus easy to remember) and then it will send you an email to alert you of your upcoming period.

You can set it up so that it will send an email up to 10 days before your period. I chose to receive the email 1 day before because, honestly, I dread it enough already.

And, when it is time to start trying for a little one, I can have it send me an email 1 day before my most fertile day(s).

This modern technology. Finally it is put to a good use.

Throwing Sticky things at Bush

I can remember watching the Winter Olympics in my junior year of college.

My house-mates and I were rooting for Michelle Kwan. We wanted her to win the gold because she's cute, she seems nice and, let's face it, she got screwed in the whole Kerrigan-Harding broo-ha-ha.

You know that moment, when the skater is gliding backwards, looking over their shoulder, and obviously preparing for an imminent jump? Well, whenever one of those moments began for any of Kwan's competitors we launched these gummy-things at the television.

I guess we were hoping the smack of the gummy-thing against the tv screen would somehow throw the skater off and cause them to fall.

And I don't even think we were drunk when we were doing this.

Unfortunately, it didn't work. Kwan lost. Hughes won. We were disappointed.

I was tempted to try this strategy again tonight during the "State of the Union." Especially whenever Bush dared to downplay the death in Iraq. Or suggested nuclear power (yet again) as the cure-all to our energy problems.

Or whenever he got that smug look on his face.

But, luckily, I didn't have to resort to the throwing-the-gummy-thing-at-the-tv strategy. Because this was Bush's last State of the Union address. (Yea!!!)

And it doesn't really matter what he thinks anymore.

The view from where I sit

Barack Obama talking about Clinton politics on This Week.

He says that, because of Clinton, we can no longer have a "sensible dialogue" about the environment, for example.

Is he talking about Hillary Clinton? No. He's talking about Bill Clinton.

Funny, I thought it was Hillary, not Bill, running for President.

Obama says he is the candidate of change and I suppose he's right.

Because he has changed the identity of his opponent.

I have a complaint to make.

I realize that this blog, of late, has been mostly a litany of complaints. Honestly, I am a happy person. Even when I'm bitchy, like today, I am happy. But something has been building in me and I have to let it out.

I went to college and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Environmental Science. I did this because I care about the environment and I wanted to have a profession in which I could do some good. Make a difference. Heal the world and make it a better place.

For you and for me and the entire human race.

Since graduating from college, I have held a variety of jobs. Two "real" jobs at non-profits and some temporary positions in between. Needless to say, I have been on a number of interviews. Time after time, I am asked if I have any "business" experience. Or I'm told that they are really seeking someone with a background in "communications."

In other words, people with science backgrounds need not apply.

It seems like most environmental groups would rather hire a marketing person and teach them about the issues instead of hiring an environmental person and teaching them about marketing.

Every time I was told this, I flash-backed to the various 3-hour science labs I endured all through college.

Biochemistry.

Inorganic chemistry.

Microbiology.

Phycology.

I think about those awful, painful courses and wonder what it was all worth. I could have been sitting in an hour-long lecture on business models instead. I could have taken a course on the history of the radio to satisfy a communications major.

I'm not saying that a Business or Marketing or Communication major is easy for everybody. I am saying it would have been easy(er) for me.

But I didn't think that a major in one of those fields would open doors for me in the environmental field. So, I struggled through the science.

And what, exactly, do I have to show for it? Put me up against some Business-major people I know who have been working for environmental firms or magazines. Who, in that light, is the more successful?

Not me.

The salt in the wound is that they make far more money (and actually have benefits!) than I ever made working at a non-profit.

So, I had an idea. Perhaps the doors to the environmental field are not open to people with environmental backgrounds but that doesn't mean I can't somehow sneak in the back.

Today I interviewed for a receptionist position at a company that will remain nameless (pending results from the interview). This company is an "environmental" company in central Little Rock.

During this interview, I was told, in so many words, that I was overqualified. I have a degree in Environmental Science....why do I want to be "just" a receptionist? Aren't I going to be using my degree sometime in the future?

I wanted to scream.

"Yes!" (I screamed in my head), "I'd love to use my degree. I'd love to put those 4 years of experience to the test. But, the environmental community has decided that actual schooling in this area is now a mark in the Con Column. So here I am. Applying to be a receptionist. Hoping for a piece of the organic tofu pie. Give it to me. I'll do a good job."

Instead, I once again had to downplay the importance/difficulty of my degree. I said that I didn't want to be in science. I said that my degree really has no impact on my job search. I said I'd love to be a receptionist.

And I did that all before the cock crowed for the third time.

New year, new perspective. New lease-on-life. Blah. Blah. Blah.



New picture.

In honor of Oregon, my until-recent home, I updated my picture to that of a dahlia. In case you did not know it, and there is no reason you should, Oregon is the #1 dahlia grower in the country (world?) and I took this photo at a farm in that great state.

But that was the past and this is the present. Onward and upward (or southern-ward as it were).

This is a new year.

I've got a new relationship (a husband vs a fiance), a new apartment, new crap to fill it with, a new career goal, a new winter coat and, of course, a new obsession.

It seems like every year I have something to obsess over. Last year it was money.

The year I graduated from college it was farm animals (can't explain it in this post but I'll be sure to elaborate in a future one).

One particularly golden year in elementary school it was Bonnie Bell lip gloss.

This year is a two-fer. Women's literature and sugar-free Jelly Bellies. The women's lit thing....I don't know how to explain except to say that this year I have read The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs and The Friendship Test by Elizabeth Noble.

Two books may not seem like an obsession to you but I've read those books in 20 days. While looking for employment. And unpacking. And studying.

Neither of these books are my norm. The thought of women's lit always gave me a rash. Don't get me wrong...I love Bridget Jones's Diary the MOVIE. I couldn't get past page 1 of the book.

And if you tell me that Jane Austen is in the Women's Lit genre I'll force you to listen to Renee Zellweger's British accent ad nauseam.

But for some reason both of these books struck a cord with me at this time in my life. I've already purchased my next book....Knitting Under the Influence by Claire LaZebnik.

As for sugar-free Jelly Bellies, that one is easy to explain.

I love Jelly Bellies. I should stop eating so much sugar. Hence, sugar-free Jelly Bellies.

That's my life in 2008....sugary books and sugar-free candy.

Huck Fuckabee

I know, I haven't posted in months and now I'm about to post twice in one day. But watching Mike Huckabee on Leno tonight has spurred me to action.

The unbelievable rise of Huckabee in the past month has been a seriously disturbing development for me and many other Arkansans. I cannot quite believe that he has suddenly become so popular. And that people are actually considering voting for the guy! It is absurd!

I can't even begin to list my reasons for hating Mike Huckabee and all he stands for. Wouldn't know whether to start with his bigotry, his ignorance or his self-importance. So, I'll let Max Brantley of the Arkansas Times do it for me. Read this article....you won't find any of this information in the mainstream media.

And after you read it...share it. Because we simply cannot have another four (or, good heavens, eight!) years of someone unwilling to take responsibility for their mistakes.

Because if Mike Huckabee becomes president there will be mistakes aplenty.

Driving along the tar-lined highway

I could make a ton of excuses for why I haven't blogged in a while. But I won't. Instead, I'll make five.

1. I got married.
2. I went on my honeymoon.
3. I moved across the country.
4. I went to New York for Christmas.
5. I didn't have internet for 2-ish weeks.

So, there you have it. I'm sure I'll expand on each of those excuses in later posts but I'm going to take this opportunity to complain about something totally unrelated instead.

I love New York. I might even heart New York. I lived there for a year and, despite the fact that I became an Erin-cicle while there, I loved it. I love the mountains, Wegman's, the crazy accents and, occasionally, the snow.

I do not love the toll roads.

Being from the south, I simply do not understand the necessity for toll roads. I always find myself marveling at the fact that I just paid $5 dollars to drive on a road that looks exactly like any road in Arkansas....the only difference being that the road in Arkansas is FREE.

(Yes, we pay taxes for highway improvement but an added sales tax is far less painful than forking over cold hard cash.)

I don't think I've ever passed through a toll booth without having a close encounter with a large vehicle as 50 or so cars and trucks try to slow down and merge in to 3 lanes suddenly. After that harrowing experience comes the long wait to the actual toll booth. And always, (ALWAYS!) I find myself thanking the toll-booth-person as I pay for the privilege to use their bumpy highway. I can't seem to stop myself.

Everyone knows that those tolls are actually paying for the ever so convenient "travel plazas" that dot the landscape along any major highway in New York. They look like little ski lodges filled with Big Boys, Sbarro's and Starbucks. Unfortunately, they are also full of people who seem to think that driving on a road for an hour or two is a good enough reason to gorge oneself on fast food.

Give me a sketchy truck stop any day. At least Flying J's and TA's don't attempt to be something more than what they are. And what they are is a good excuse to stop and gorge oneself on junk food.

It cost nearly $10 to drive one-way on Route 90 this Christmas. I'm not very good with math but even I know that $20 dollars can buy a lot of something-better if it hadn't already been spent on a road.

But I guess $20 is a small price to pay for spending Christmas with new family members and a chance (a better-than-usual chance) of a White Christmas.

I haven't had much time to post recently because we are rapidly approaching the 1-month-before-the-wedding mark, but I can offer this little website for your viewing pleasure:

The Cute Project

There. Enjoy. Its ridiculous.

Old Pick Up Line

The thing I love most about my new job is being within walking distance of several parks. On nice days, I walk down to the park, lie in the grass and eat my lunch. Scarfing down a quick lunch at my desk, in my car or while sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the "break room" is a happily distant memory.

Of course, the best part of any park is not the grass. Or the fountains. Or the dog park. It is the people-watching. Since I started spending my lunches at the park, I have been witness to several interesting sights.

Two men walking hand-in-hand down a tree lined path with bathrobes on their bodies and what looked like an avocado mask on their faces.

A toddler systematically pulling out strands of hair from his baby brother's head.

A man with a white tux and Mickey Mouse ears walking his dog. (I've previously seen him playing his saxophone over on Burnside.)

However, nothing can top what I saw today. The grass was a little damp so I opted to sit on a bench with my apple and my book. As I was getting comfortable, an object to the right of me caught my eye.

That object was actually an elderly man in an electric wheelchair moving v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y towards the park. I surreptitiously watched him until he got about even with me, at which point he stopped. I shifted my eyes back to my book and assumed he was drinking out of the water fountain next to him.

Then, out of nowhere, an elderly woman comes charging along with her dog. She is heading right towards me and I start to wonder if she can even see me. When she gets to my bench, she walks right past it and her dog jumps up, licks my apple, and then goes over the top of the bench a la Buster Keaton. The elderly lady doesn't even notice. She stares at the elderly man in the electric wheelchair and yells,

"Bob! Are you okay? Do you need me to call 9-1-1?"

At which point, I turn around and see "Bob" clutching his chest. I immediately feel a spurt of panic and guilt. Panic because I think this guy is about to have a heart attack in front of me and guilt because here I've been reading my book with no idea that there are life and death events in my midst. Luckily, Bob responds:

"No. I'm fine. I just get a little winded coming up that hill."

Which leaves me to wonder how you get winded in an electric wheelchair. Maybe the sheer thrill of it takes your breath away?

"Okay, well I'm going to sit right her on this bench until you feel better. If you need help, just tell me and I'll call 9-1-1."

Elderly lady plops down next to me. Her dog jumps in my lap, licks my apple again and stares at me. His name was Lucky (I saw it on his collar) and he was a black terrier-looking thing. I don't think Elderly Lady even knew I was there. She was practically consuming poor Bob with her gaze.

After a few minutes, Bob carefully maneuvers back to the middle of the sidewalk and continues up the hill. Elderly Lady stands (so does Lucky....which his paw on my nose) and yells:

"Bob! I'm going to watch you go up this hill! If you need help, if you need 9-1-1, just wave your hand!"

"Okay!" Bob says.

With a wave of his hand.

That small wave is all it takes. Elderly Lady takes off at a fast pace behind Bob...with Lucky trailing behind.

I was left sitting on the bench with a partially eaten, fully licked apple wondering what had just occurred. It was clear that Bob wanted to keep his distance from Elderly Lady about as much as she wanted to shorten it. Why was Elderly Lady harassing poor Elderly Bob? Then it occurred to me. She was totally flirting with him!

Is that the progression of flirtation in life? You start out in grade school by hitting the person you like. Then you move to junior high and completely ignore them. Then there's high school where everything they say is so funny and so smart!

And on and on until your twilight years when you promise to call 9-1-1 in case the other person has a heart attack right there in their electric wheelchair.

Well, it gives a person something to look forward to.

I've decided to forgo the gym and walk down the aisle to Spinal Tap's inspired song "Big Bottom" instead.

In spite of that, Adam still seems to like me because he sent me these pictures he took in Canada (which, for the life of me, I can't seem to line up.)

I particularly like the one in which he looks like a glowing troll.

I fell in love today

I woke up this morning knowing I had important things to do. Wedding things. Grad school things. Planning a future and making sure all my ducks are in a row things.

So, what did I do? I woke up. Showered. Ate a quick breakfast and was out the door by 9:30am.

Heading towards the Humane Society shelter. Funny, that wasn't on my important list of things to do. But go there I did. And then I fell completely in love.

Before I continue, I must say that I really want a dog. I've wanted a dog ever since I first moved out on my own after college. At the time, my life was a little up-in-the-air and I didn't think it'd be fair to bring a dog into the picture. Plus, a few years ago, I made a vow that I would not adopt a dog until my dog (our family dog) Nick had passed on.

But Nick is still alive and doing well. Thank god.

But the years since then have clicked by and my desire to have a dog has grown. Granted, I have two cats and they are playful, quirky and fun. I never thought I'd love a cat...but now I love two!

But they aren't dogs. They need "alone" time.

There are many reasons why we don't have a dog now:

1. We can't have them in our apartment.

2. Even if we could have them in our apartment, it is to small to house 2 humans, 2 cats and a dog.

3. Money. Money. Money. It's not the root of all evil but (the lack of) it is the root of 99% of our problems.

4. That up-in-the-air-ness is still there. Maybe once we go to grad school and hopefully have a bit of a larger space than we do now....

Walking into the shelter, I knew all of this. I told myself I was just there to look. It is no different than looking at all the dogs in the dog park near our house. I'm just passing time until the bridal shop opens. And the department store. And the shoe store. And the stationary store. And the library.

But then I turned the corner and saw HIM. Chewy. The love of my life. (Sorry Adam)

It was over for me then and there.

I reached my hand into his little cage and he walked over, ducked under my hand and just sat there. While I was petting his soft little head he just looked at me with his sweet little eyes. Everything about him was little at that moment...despite the fact that he is quite a large dog.

But he just seemed so vulnerable.

So I had to try and play with him. I had to make him smile...and yes, dogs do smile. So I stuck my other hand in the cage and started ruffling his fur while I made growling noises in my throat and saying "Whose a good boy?" Garnering curious looks from passers-by, no doubt.

He went berserk. Clearly, this dog could be both sweet and playful. So I sat there on the floor for a while. We played a bit. We talked a bit. We got to know each other. We gazed into each other's eyes. When it was time to go he gave me a nice, respectable kiss on the cheek.

All in all, it was a great first date.

I definitely want to see him again. But I know I can't.

So, if you find yourself at the Oregon Humane Society someday soon, stop by and say hello to my man Chewy.

And maybe consider taking him home.

'F' as in Freak

My new job requires a lot of phone work. And with phone work comes a lot of spelling via the 'N as in Nancy' method. People l-o-v-e doing this whereas I have always avoided it. I can understand using it to distinguish between similar sounding letters like N and M or S and F. But some people use it for every letter and suddenly a task that should take a few moments ends up taking a few longer moments.

But that isn't the only reason I'm reluctant to join in. The real reason is that I'm afraid I'm going to make a truly bizarre association and the other person is going to have some frightening insight into my inner self.

Its like everyday free association at the office!

To avoid this, I could just stick to the name associations. The 'N as in Nancy, F as in Fred' example. But, for some reason, by brain won't let me.

For instance, today I spelled my name for a particularly hard-of-hearing old lady as follows:

E as in Elongate
R as in Roadrunner
I as in Igloo
N as in Never

And although I am prone to exaggeration, this is not one. The exchange beyond that went something like this:

Old Lady: Did you say Rosemary?
Me: Rosemary?
Old Lady: No my name is Elaine. Is your name Rosemary?
Me: Huh? Oh, no. I said Roadrunner. (pause) R as in Roadrunner.
Old Lady: Rose Runner?
Me: No. ROADRUNNER. R as in ROADRUNNER.
Old Lady: What's a roadrunner?

I honestly didn't know what to say to that. By the time we were finished, I think she thought my name was Eroadrunnern.

Another example occurred when I tried to figure out if a heavily-accented man had a 'J' or a soft 'G' in his name. So, I said:

J as in JellyBelly or G as in Gerrymandering?

That conversation continued to deteriorate until it finally ended, at which point he had learned what gerrymandering meant and I was craving JellyBellies. But I still don't know if it was a J or a soft G.

Like most things, this neurosis of mine goes back to kindergarten.

One day, we had to go around the room and say 'My name is _____ and I am _____' using an adjective that started with the same letter as the first letter in our name.

I said 'My name is Erin and I am Erotic.'

My teacher's eyebrows flew up and she tried to get me to change it to Energetic.

But I stuck to my guns and kept erotic.

Hopefully it won't be as bad as that...but today was bad enough. I'm really worried about the day when I'm just a bit titchy and say something like 'P as in Pneumonia.'

Or just days like today when I inexplicably say 'R as in Roadrunner.'

You know...Roadrunner.

That's R as in River
O as in Ornery
A as in Antelope
D as in Dead
R as in Rope
U as in Ubiquitous
N as in Narcolepsy
N as in Nighttime
E as in Entourage
R as in Rivulets.

Such as....

I'm not even sure I believe the premise of this question...that a fifth of Americans cannot locate their own country on a map. I might believe they couldn't find Canada or Mexico but surely we are self-absorbed enough that we can all find our own country?

Secondly, although I am not a fan of beauty pageants, I do have to give credit to the girls up there. Not for their ability to participate in the question/answer segment but for their presence during the bathing suit segment. It takes a special person to strut around, simultaneously on stage and on television, in a bathing suit and live to tell about it.

I, for one, would sooner toss my body into the lion exhibit at the zoo before I squeezed it into a bathing suit in front of thousands of people.

And the worst part of the bathing suit segment is that a huge amount of girls are eliminated following it! Can you imagine putting yourself through that only to be told, 'Sorry! You just aren't as good at walking in a bathing suit as the other girls.'


But the question and answer segment? Come on, that is sooo easy. You can always fall back on the whole 'world peace' bit. For instance:

Question: Why can't a fifth of our population find our country on a map?

Answer: Because we don't have world peace. We've spent so much money on war that we don't have enough left over for education.

With that answer, not only could she have used the world peace phrase but her answer would have been accurate! The answer would have been so short that she could have spent the rest of the time looking pretty for the cameras...which, let's face it, is the point of the whole pageant anyway.

Plus, her answer would have had a personal connection since obviously her parents spent so much money on her pageant career that they didn't have enough left over for her education.

Instead, this girl takes a pretty basic question and runs with it!

She starts off saying that maybe they don't know where our country is located because they don't have maps. Okay, perhaps she meant to comment on the pathetic state of our education system particularly where the extremely poor are concerned.

But from there it just gets muddled. Education in South Africa and Iraq? Isn't Oprah doing something in South Africa? And maybe the Peace Corps?

But Iraq? I was under the impression we were there strictly to kill people, not educate them.

But I feel sorry for this girl. Afterall, she's up there putting herself on the line so that her mom can live vicariously through her. Not all of us have the guts to do that. And, in the end, she has been failed like all those people in the supposed fifth of our population who can't find the United States on a map.

And while I am hesitant to put the blame on any one institution, like a beauty pageant, I feel perfectly fine blaming our government for this problem. Because, when it comes down to it, our government doesn't put a high value on education.

Despite what the politicians say, they always seem to drop education reform (along with health care reform and environmental protection) in the proverbial political landfill when a war is on the smoggy horizon.

And why isn't education valued in this country?

Because we don't have world peace.

And that's my final answer. (Smile. Wave. Pose.)